Night Swimming

Welcome Home Daddy!

FUCK NURSING HOMES

(Above) My dad and I at the nursing facility in Keller, Texas: Mimosa Manor

He was doing so great! He walked around all by himself.  He could feed himself (i would scoop the food into the spoon and put it into his hand, then he would put the spoon into his mouth…)  He was ready.  They were supposedly going to do “Physical Therapy/Rehabilitation”

Instead, he was going to a shit hole where they let everyone sit in their shit for 4 hours and people are screaming help me, psychos, mentally challenged people, disabled veterans and muscular dystrophy patients. PEOPLE GO THERE TO DIE. They had a COMMUNITY SHOWER FOR ALL THE PATIENTS (EWW!).  So I instructed the nurse that NO ONE, other than my family could do his hygiene (unless there was an emergency of course; which they should have notified me immediately, since I’m his Power of Attorney) It was amazing, they didn’t even TRY to act like they cared.  Not at all.  No one deserves to be treated like that.  A couple of the Techs and ONE of the nursed were OKAY.  The others, psh…young girls, all under 30, face piercings, tattoos showing, MISSING TEETH.  (THE FUCKING NURSES?! OMG WTF)  This was ridiculous.  But it was only going to be for 30 days and he said it was okay.  Every day I drove and checked on him for 2-4 hours after work.

(Above) My dad and I at Baylor in Grapevine, right before he got transferred to the nursing home.

He was there for about 2 weeks.  After the first day, he got extremely sick.

“24 hour virus” the nurse said.

2 days go by…I constantly nag and he stays laying on his bed in a ball crying in pain.  He fell out of his bed one of these nights, the nurse called me in the morning.  Luckily he wasn’t hurt. He told me that he pulled his alarm for help when he fell and after 30 minutes of sitting on the floor yelling for help- he got so mad that I guess he got the strength to run out in the hall and say “THIS IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS!  CAN YOU FUCKING HELP ME”  The next day I asked them when he would see the doctor; for his stomach.

nurse said “I’ll call the doctor ma’am, but there ain’t much they can do”

Me (with some sarcastic Twain) “There AIN’T much the DOCTOR can do?  He hasn’t even seen my dad yet since he’s been here.  He’s lost nearly 30 pounds now. This is supposed to be rehab but he hasn’t got out of the bed because he’s too sick!”

The nurse left and a few more days went by.  My dad had a room mate, Jay, 88 years old.  Injured his leg and now they won’t be with his wife who he has been married to for 60 YEARS.  Such a sweet man.  VERY patient.  But when I overheard this, I couldn’t believe the nerve this woman had. He asked her to fix his pillow (with a please) she said “No” and walked out.  My dad yelled and made her do it, when she saw me, she didn’t hesitate.

I mean do these people not get it?  My dad is not like these other people!  He is one of the youngest people there.  He is of complete sound mind and judgment, his brain damage effects his body movements.  He talks a little bit slower than he used to, sometimes there a small stutter; but nothing dramatic.

He can’t walk right anymore though.  Not at all.  He can’t turn his head all the way.  He can’t bend his fingers or grip anything.  He has to concentrate really hard to do one movement at a time (for example if you say lift your left arm, he’ll raise both, say oops, then set them down and raise the left)

I told them they needed to change the foley catheter because it had been in there for 5 weeks and he said it was hurting and he had a fever.  When they did remove it.  It hurt him so bad that they couldn’t put it back in and JAMES, the evening Charge nurse, was so irritated that he dropped the dirty foley/catheter and his gloves on my dads stomach and stomped out of the room.  I asked them to check for a Urinary Tract Infection-I was told that he was tested and he was okay.

Finally it got to the point where I told them that if they didn’t get a doctor/practitioner in there in 5 minutes, I was calling the police and an ambulance.  2 minutes later the practitioner came in and said that he hadn’t heard anything or he would have come sooner.  He gave him some medicine for his stomach and the next 2 days were pretty good…

Until they called this morning and told me that he had fallen out of bed 3 times in the night. I understand one time.  But after that they should have put the rails up on the bed.  THERE WAS NO REASON FOR A SECOND OR THIRD FALL. Oh, then she threw in that he had a laceration on his face and that he hurt his knee but it wasn’t serious.  I asked her to talk to him and she refused.  I told her that I was coming up there.  My dads mom called me because she got there before me.  She let me talk to my dad.

He said- “Hey I don’t feel safe here.  It took them so long to come help me.  Then when the lady came to help, she left me in there because she said I was arguing with her but I was just trying to tell her I was in excruciating pain!  I really don’t want to be here.  They won’t help Jay, either.  There’s no reason for this.”  WHO THE HELL DOES THIS WOMAN THINK SHE IS TALKING TO MY DAD LIKE THAT.

Me-“I’m on my way”

when I got there.  There for 5-6 nurses right behind me telling me this was a bad idea and whatever.  My dad was serious.  He wasn’t going to let them do it to him anymore and I was behind him 500%.  They picked the wrong person to fuck with.  I’m not like the other patients families who believe them and let them sit in shit THROUGH TWO SHIFTS.  NOT GOING TO HAPPEN WITH ME AROUND. TO ANYONE.   At least 3-4 times a day I would have to get on someones ass to help a patient (and they weren’t busy or anything, they were usually all smoking outside or sitting in ONE patients room watching TV, saying they were helping them EAT.  BULLSHIT! I saw it!  So They told me that since I was taking him that Medicaid wasn’t paying and that I would get the bill.  And if I tried to take him to the hospital that they wouldn’t take him because he is “medicaid-pending”.  Do they think I’m stupid?!  The whole reason it took 8 weeks to get him there was because he was medicaid-pending and he had to be approved. It didn’t matter though.  I’m not an idiot.  The emergency room can not deny anyone.  PERIOD.  I took him to Baylor Hospital in Grapevine (where he had been first)  Immediately they told me that he had an infection.  His white blood cell count was up at 24,000 (12,000 means infection), he had malnutrition, his G-tube (where he got a gastrostomy) had dried up yellow shit in it and it is supposed to be flushed 4 times a day before and after they put anything in it, he had a high blood sodium level which means he was extremely dehydrated, he had a fever and a urinary tract infection.  The result- he was re-admitted to the hospital.

He was quickly transferred to the 6th floor.  After getting him hooked up to an IV with antibiotics, eating a good meal, drinking a lot of water, getting some pain medication and x-rays he was good to go.  They did a cat-scan of his head because they were concerned about his head injury from falling the night before; but it turned out okay, thank God.

He looked 100 times better than when we walked in the door.  They said they will have to do an MRI on his leg tomorrow.  Hes comfortable now.  He knows that he is safe.  He knows that there are people who come to work (knowing what they have to deal with) and do it because that’s what they want to do.  Baylor Medical Center in Grapevine is probably one of the best hospitals in Texas.  I was born there (so was my little sister-we are  9 years apart) and the same doctor delivered us: Dr. Angelo C. Mendez, M.D.  He still delivers babies too!  Anyways…so that’s the update on Gordon.

What’s going to happen after this? I’m not sure but I’ll do whatever it takes to get him better.  The thing that gets me is:  My mother, who is 42 years old, has a college degree, great health (besides her drinking) hasn’t worked since her and my dad divorced 16 years ago gets over $1,200 a month for herself plus another $1,500 for my little sister and they have medicaid no problem.  But my dad, who has worked every day in his life, as a Master Electrician gets $30.00 (yeah that’s right, thirty dollars and zero cents) per month from social security disability.  ISN’T THAT WHY WE FUCKING PAY IT OUT OF OUR INCOME TAX THAT WE WORK OUR ASS OFF FOR? SO IF SOMETHING HAPPENS WE ARE COVERED.  OR AFTER WE HAVE WORKED OUR WHOLE LIVES AND ARE TOO OLD TO WORK?

Because Apparently they would rather give my mother thousands of dollars every month than give my dad the money we need to get him better.  He actually wants to get out and work again! Then they won’t have to give him ANYTHING!  But they don’t care.  They would rather help the people taking advantage of the system and let everyone else suffer because they don’t want to deal with the real issues.  I’m so done with fucking politics and health care.  I mean can’t we just do what’s morally right?!

Here is how I see it:  They spend all this money keeping people alive.  Why don’t they just let people who are terminally ill or over 90 years old die if they want to!? Give them a shot and let them die in peace!  Then, the government won’t be paying for all these people to keep them alive.  They don’t want to live! We should have that right as a human being (and we do as far as I’m concerned.  My family and I will NEVER be that way.  I’ll do what I have to do to make my family happy when it’s their time.  I’ve been to prison once, I will go again in a heartbeat for my family.

TO ANYONE WHO LETS THIS SHIT HAPPEN, ALL I HAVE TO SAY TO YOU IS: THE NURSES ARE WORKING FOR YOU! YOU PAY FOR INSURANCE AND THEY PAY THEM.  YOU WORK (OR I WORK) TO PAY TAXES FOR PEOPLE WITHOUT INSURANCE.  YOU CAN FIRE THEM.  YOU CAN REFUSE NURSES AT FACILITIES. YOU CAN CALL THE POLICE AND HAVE A REPORT MADE. YOU CAN REMOVE THEM IF YOU ARE THE POWER OF ATTORNEY.

IF YOU ARE PHYSICALLY CAPABLE OF WORKING

AND YOU DON’T-FUCK YOU!

9 Year Old Girl With Only Weeks To Live Gets Married

For two years, Jayla spent her home away from home at the Children’s Medical Center for Cancer and Blood Disorders in Dallas, TX where she met her future husband and leukemia patient, Jose when he was 5. So after two years of sharing a bond that most people will never understand, the parents of both children gave Jayla her dying wish.

Jayla was the niece of a very close friend of mine.

A young couple is starting their lives together after an extravagant wedding.

The nine-year-old bride and seven-year-old groom, both cancer patients, were married Sunday. Jayla Cooper and Jose Griggs vowed to be friends forever.

“I love him, and it was just really important to me,” said Jayla. “I had fun dancing with my dad and with him and my granny.”

Home video shows Jerrod Cooper walking his daughter down the aisle. These are the moments he cherishes after being told she only has a few weeks to live.

“It’s really hard,” he said. “It’s something you never wanna go through or imagine.”

Jayla and Jose were both diagnosed with leukemia two years ago. They spent most of their days together at Children’s Medical Hospital in Dallas, but Jose is actually recovering. He wants the same for Jayla.

“He knows where she’s going, but he doesn’t want her to go,” said Charla Griggs, Jose’s mother. “He’s seven years old and he’s having a hard time dealing with this.”

Because of the time she has left, the family tries to enjoy every moment with Jayla, who is teaching others to live life to the fullest.
“She’s only nine. All I can do is give her what she wants. I give and give, because I don’t know what else to do,” said Lisa Cooper, Jayla’s mother.
The parents took Jose and Jayla to Great Wolf Lodge for their honeymoon.

When people hear of little children getting married, they believe it to be something creepy or wrong. Tales of religious hysteria, abuse or other unsettling things are associated with child marriage. But one story about a child getting married is tragic for completely different reasons. 9-year-old bride Jayla Cooper was married to her 7-year-old friend in Dallas on Sunday. Jayla Cooper became a 9-year-old-bride because it is one of the last things she can do while alive.

Jayla Cooper has been living with leukemia for two years, and is about to lose that fight. Cooper’s childhood leukemia is expected to finally claim her life within two weeks. To mark her final weeks on Earth, Jayla Cooper became the 9-year-old-bride of a fellow leukemia patient and friend, 7-year-old Jose Griggs.

The two children were married on Sunday, vowing to be “friends forever.” Cooper and Griggs met while being treated at the Children’s Medical Hospital in Dallas. The young husband and wife celebrated their union at the Great Wolf Lodge water park in Grapevine, Texas.

A home video was released of Jayla being walked down the aisle by her father, Jerrod Cooper. Jayla told Dallas’s CBS 11 news that she had fun dancing with him, her “granny” and her husband.

Unlike Jayla Cooper, Jose Griggs is on the road to recovery from his leukemia. But doctors are convinced that Cooper is on a different path.

Cooper is not the only person to turn to marriage near the end of her life. In London, a dying reality TV star, Jade Goody, is sparking national debate with her plans to not only get married now, but to have the wedding filmed as part of a TV special.

Goody was one of the stars of the 2002 edition of London’s Big Brother, but got diagnosed with terminal cervical cancer last week. As a result, Goody sold the TV rights to her wedding with fiancee Jack Tweed, in order to raise money for her sons.

The two were married on Sunday, as it was filmed by TV cameras as per Goody’s wishes. Her desire to have her dying weeks filmed by reality television has made national news in Britain, and triggered national debate.

A New Ambition

it has been 3 weeks and 4 days now since I found my dad, Gordon, nearly dead.  Every day he speaks more and more.  I am so thankful that he knows who I am.  He understands everything happening he is just in this world of confusion since he has no recollection of what happened to him.  He thinks he laid down to go to sleep because he wasn’t feeling well, and woke up in the hospital, unable to breathe, tubes in every hole of his body, unable to speak, unable to move.  Over the weeks I think he understands almost everything.  The neurologist says that the part of the brain that is severely damaged is the part that makes the body function.
He is still unable to swallow; so he now has a feeding tube in his stomach. I try not to mention food around him, because anyone that knows my dad, knows that he fucking loves food more than anything.  That’s one of the main reason’s he is in the hospital…because he said he wanted to live his life eating what he wanted to eat; regardless of his Type 1 Diabetes or his blood sugar.
Gordon: “Well at least I’ll die happy.  I’d rather die eating what I want to eat and be happy, than watching every bite I take and being miserable.”  < I don’t think he realized how selfish he was being at the time.  And if he would at least check his blood sugar and take his medicine accordingly, it would be better than nothing.  Yeah I know I’m stuck in the past, talking about what he COULD or SHOULD have done…
He can lift his head now and most of his chest.  Apparently last night he tried to get out of the bed, lifted up his head and chest, raised his left leg up, bent his knee over the  side of his bed and the next thing you know my Oma heard: “Mom, Help me!”  -sure enough, my dad was laying on his right side on the wood floor.  So now they have moved him directly in front of the main nurses station some minor restraints.

So yesterday I walked through the Lancaster Building @ about 12:11 pm on my lunch break, then I headed up the elevator, past the nurses station and into my dads new room. He was dripping with sweat, I cleaned him up, got a cold rag and put it on his forehead. I asked him if I could brush his teeth and he said yes, so I brushed them really well, put moisturizer in his mouth and chapstick on his lips.

The entire time he just stared at me with this look on his face that brought a tear to my eye.  His expression was screaming: “why is this happening to me?! What have I done to deserve this?” I put my hand on his cheek and asked him what was wrong.

He replied: “I don’t want to do this anymore” < those were the clearest words I have heard come out of his mouth in the last 3 weeks.

Me: “I know daddy, but you can’t give up okay?  I love you so much”

Gordon: “Take them out”

Me: “Take what out?”

Gordon: (pause…)he looked up confused and started shaking with frustration like he couldn’t think of a word…

then he said ” THE STRAWS”

(wait, what was he saying…I had to think, then I looked down at his hand and he had it on his IV.  I guess by ‘straw’ he meant ‘tubes’.)

then he said again: ” I don’t want to do this anymore, take them out”

Me: “But I can’t daddy, I wish I could, because you know I’d do it in a heartbeat if it meant you were happy”

Then he closed his eyes.  But I wasn’t going to act like we didn’t just have the conversation that we had. No way. This was a big deal.

Me: “Daddy”

Gordon: (he opened his eyes) “What?”

Me: “Recovery is going to be a long and slow process, but I need you to be strong dad, please, don’t leave me here like this!  I want to have grandchildren and for you to see them.  You’re too young daddy.  I need you please be strong ” He closed his eyes again and I asked him:

“daddy, you’re going to come home with me right?…….right?!”

Gordon: “yesss…”

Me: “Promise me!”

Gordon: “Yes…”

Me: “no daddy, tell me you promise you won’t give up and that you’re going to come home…”

Gordon: “Promise…”

Me:  “Oh daddy, I love you, smile please!”

At that moment, I saw the dad I had 3 weeks ago, happy. That was the first time I have seen him smile since he’s been in there.

It’s just like my favorite quote:

“Everything will be okay in the end,
if it’s not okay, then it’s not the end…”

Update on Gordon

I haven’t really had a chance to post anything about my dad.  Well the good thing is, he is out of the coma and should make a full recovery…the bad thing is, it could take years.  He knows everyone around him, he remembers the day before he went into the coma – but he’s missing like one week from his memory.

When he first came out of the coma he couldn’t talk or anything.  We were stunned that he even opened his eyes since the doctor said he has pretty much no chance.  I mean I always hear all the stories about “miracles” and all the bullshit, but I  know hundreds if not thousands of people (not to mention 4-5 religions) were praying for him.  I’ve never been very religious.  I’m so skeptical about the whole thing.  Anyways, The doctors were dumbfounded when they saw my dad with his eyes open, even more when he started to say a few words, now it’s been a little over a week since he opened his eyes and he can tell you exactly what he wants, when he wants it.  He has a hard time moving his tongue around so it’s a little bit hard to understand him when he talks.  Everyday he makes tremendous progress in his speech, swallowing, breathing and basic motor skills.

He seems to get aggravated with everyone he sees (especially if he knows them) he says to me: ” this is fucking bullshit, you piece of shit, you’re not helping me, I’m fucking hungry, why did you put me here?…” but I can deal with that…it’s better than lying there lifeless… he’ll get over it.  I can’t feed him or give him and water because he can’t swallow.  It’s an involuntary muscle that closes your trachea so food can go down the esophagus and into the stomach instead of the lungs.  They feed him through an IV, but that doesn’t satisfy his appetite or thirst. He got a gastrostomy today which is a feeding tube in your stomach, but it’s only temporary.  Hopefully next week, we will get him into a rehab close to the house.

I had really lost all hope, but thanks to everyone who prayed, a miracle brought my daddy from a “vegetated state” to “alive & kicking”

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Today is my daddy’s birthday!  He’s 43

I found him yesterday, lying in bed.  He was foaming at the mouth.  When I touched him he was so hot, I didn’t know what to do.  I was scared, worried, nervous, confused, angry…every negative feeling you could think of- I was feeling.  I wanted someone to blame so bad…but the reality of it is, it’s no one’s fault.

I knew this day would come, but not this soon.  It was just Saturday morning that he was here, at my apartment with me.  Happy, laughing, singing, joking…  He has diabetes, but he doesn’t take care of himself.  When he eats, he eats candy, doughnuts, cookies, cereal…I have to remind him EVERYDAY to take his shot (insulin) to regulate his glucose (sugar).  How can you forget to take your shot, you have to do it every day?  -That’s what I wondered.  But he was a kid at heart. In his mind…he had no worry in the world…he loved to work.  He’s a master electrician.  That’s all he ever did work, work, work…

My Oma (Grandmother) is in Germany.  She is coming on an emergency flight and will be back tomorrow night.  She’s going to be heartbroken.  Her baby…he’s not okay.  He has tubes coming out of every hole…he can’t breathe on his own.  He’s in a coma, he hasn’t come out.  He may not.  I went to the emergency room the first day when they brought him…when he started throwing up blood, I couldn’t watch anymore.  I couldn’t take it.  Seeing my daddy like that.  He doesn’t want to be like that.  I know the nurses are taking good care of him though.  He’s in ICU now.  I can’t even type, I can’t think…everything comes out and I’m worried about my grammar, my spelling, my tone, dialect… but nothing makes sense as I’m typing it.  I just hope someone will understand it.

I left the hospital yesterday and I came home and cried myself to sleep.   I woke up and knew that I would cry myself to death if I kept on.  So I took a shower, made a sandwich, and went back to spend time with my dad.  The Neurologist hasn’t finished reading the EEG report, but he isn’t brain dead.  He’s brain activity is “unusual” whatever the fuck that means.  No one will tell me.  He was squeezing my hand when I was holding it!  Like he knew I was there…He knows I love him.  But I feel guilty now.  Because I feel like I should be crying and I’m not.  I have no more tears in my eyes.  I almost don’t feel any more pain.  I don’t want to stop feeling it though.  Even though I hate being sad, I don’t want to become oblivious to everything around me.  It’s happening, it’s real…I can’t block it out.  So now I am waiting… just waiting for something, anything to happen.  So I’ll just hope for the best, and be prepared for the worst.

Ashli: “Daddy…I don’t know if I believe in God anymore…”

Gordon: “Well…there has to be SOMETHING. Wouldn’t you rather die believing, and find out there is no God…than die NOT believe, and find out there was?”

Ashli: “Well, when you put it that way, I would rather believe.”

Gordon: “Than believe, what do you have to lose?”